It’s A TEFL Election Year And TEFLtastic Is Running: When I Am TEFL President, By Alex Case

I’m proud to have the opportunity to announce the candidacy of one of “our own” for TEFL President - Alex Case of Tefl.net’s TEFLtastic blog. He was kind enough to outline his platform for the TEFL Logue (and free massages are involved … who knew TEFLtastic was that kind of blog?!). I don’t know if I will be running myself but stay tuned for my promises on another “when I am” topic, which Alex has committed to featuring at TEFLtastic provided I handle his candidacy well in this post.

I’d also like request that any other candidates for TEFL President post their statements on their own blogs and share the link here and also with TEFLtastic (so we can copy and paste what you’ve written and edit it to make you look silly!).

When I am TEFL President
By TEFLtastic’s Alex Case

Someone wrote a comment on my blog recently suggesting that I was trying to take over the TEFL World. To which my answer is- oh yes, so I was, I seem to have got distracted and forgotten about it…

Unfortunately, my attempts to set up a group of TEFL Blackshirt bully boys who swagger about schools scaring people into line by swinging around very heavy copies of Michael Swan only got about 100 volunteers rather than the thousands I need, and I also can’t be bothered reading through all the TEFL KGB reports from bugging and spies in your schools to see if there is anything on the transcripts I can blackmail people with between the complaints about the photocopier and the “amusing” stories of language misunderstandings. So, I’ve decided to go the democratic route. Here is my manifesto for the 2008 TEFL World President elections, which Katie of TEFL Logue has very kindly agreed to print despite the fact that she will, I imagine, be running herself. Maybe she is hoping I will say something to incriminate myself…

The carrot

Free flu vaccines for any teachers of young kids, and free massages “post workout” after all TPR kindergarten classes
All schools specialising in a certain kind of English (e.g. British English, American English, Cockney Rhyming slang) will need to provide genuine hot drinks from that country in the teachers’ room, with suitable accompanying snacks on the teacher’s national or regional holidays
Any damage to clothes due to whiteboard pen marks, broken heels from potholed streets, split trousers from squatting down to listen into pairwork etc. will be paid by the school
All shared teachers’ accommodation will be split by age, so that old buggers like me don’t have to get depressed about how much fun the young whipper snappers are having.
Beginner teachers will be banned from being given complete beginner or Proficiency classes.
Teachers will have the legal write to impound the students’ electronic dictionaries for as long as they like

The stick

The use of Old Macdonald Had A Farm (to teach kids animal sounds???) will be banned
Ditto the use of authentic resources with any student below genuine Intermediate level
Ditto the use of newspaper articles in class two lessons in a row

The shamelessly populist gestures that I really don’t believe in

Public tarring and feathering for the incorrect use of apostrophes on shop signs
A law banning shoppers from taking countable items through the “Six items or less” register at the supermarket, applicable until they all change it to “Six items or fewer”.
All schools will have to say prayers before the “Shrine of dead and dying English language items” every morning before classes

The serious bit

Cambridge ESOL will be forced to stop their course providers from taking “interview fees”, “application fees” and such like off CELTA candidates before they have even seen the school and had a chance to decide if they like it or not.

You will be hearing more from me when the other candidates have declared and so I have the chance to steal their ideas, take part in mud slinging and send out my TEFL KGB agents to find their dark and secret past misdemeanours (misuse of whom, split infinitives etc.)

[If you feel the need to better investigate just where this candidate is coming from, I refer you to TEFLtasic, where you are bound to find lots of dirt!]